Well, I hope everyone had a great holiday! I really had a lovely Thanksgiving and the week was actually very relaxing for me! I LOVE when that happens! But, of course, that also means that I took a break from a lot of regular responsibility. (Also love that.)
But, I want to give everyone an update, and if you're a guy reading this, CAUTION: I'm about to talk about "female" stuff.
Basically the run-down is that we tried last month, Christ left for one month, and I did NOT get pregnant. So the plan was to wait until the next period closest to when Chris was getting back and then go back in to see the doctor to try the meds, etc. again. Well, Chris is home now and I still haven't had my period. (My body is so weird.)
Anyway, it's certainly given me time to ponder and wonder if this is really the right thing for us to be doing right now. I mean, if we're going to have more kids, it really needs to be right now because I'm getting too old for this, literally.
But, we haven't decided for sure if that's what we want. In fact, Chris and I haven't really talked about it much since he came home (although I'm sure that's because I haven't cycled again yet). But I've just been having some thoughts about it. I think maybe I should just focus on being grateful for the daughter I have and put more energy into her. I mean, I don't want to be/become one of those people that is so focused on having more kids that the children they do have don't get the attention they could get, or should get.
Not that I would do that, but you never know!
Anyway, those are my thoughts. Still a bunch of hurrying up and waiting! :) Who knows? But, I'm determined to just be relaxed about it, no matter what we do. :)
...
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Dun dun dun...(scary move intro)
>sigh<
Well, I've been really busy doing the PTO thing of late, so I keep forgetting to keep up with my blog. Although, that's not the whole reason...I cycled a couple of weeks ago on a Wednesday and it was a bad day. I stayed in my pj's nearly all day, I didn't cook, and I snuggled up in bed and watched TV for the better part of the day. I got back on the horse Thursday because I can't really afford to go more than one day doing nothing, but sometimes you just gotta have a day like that. And since I knew my daughter was safe at school, I had nothing else to get in my way of hiding out.
Anyway, so there's was that...plus knowing I really had no news to tell. As I said, I've also been very busy with the Parent Teacher organization at our elementary school. We started doing Popcorn Fridays and, apparently a lot of schools do this all over the nation! I am amazed! I have never heard of it. When I was growing up, we only had popcorn when our elementary school did movies, like, twice a year.
So, anyway, sorry I didn't blog. Now I'm just waiting for my husband to come home (he comes home the 17th--well, he's slated to come home that day...we'll see if he actually does), so we can start all over again. Although, if we're lucky, I will be able to start the meds and shots again before he comes home so that I'll be ready as soon as he gets here. On that, I will definitely keep you posted!
Good night!
Well, I've been really busy doing the PTO thing of late, so I keep forgetting to keep up with my blog. Although, that's not the whole reason...I cycled a couple of weeks ago on a Wednesday and it was a bad day. I stayed in my pj's nearly all day, I didn't cook, and I snuggled up in bed and watched TV for the better part of the day. I got back on the horse Thursday because I can't really afford to go more than one day doing nothing, but sometimes you just gotta have a day like that. And since I knew my daughter was safe at school, I had nothing else to get in my way of hiding out.
Anyway, so there's was that...plus knowing I really had no news to tell. As I said, I've also been very busy with the Parent Teacher organization at our elementary school. We started doing Popcorn Fridays and, apparently a lot of schools do this all over the nation! I am amazed! I have never heard of it. When I was growing up, we only had popcorn when our elementary school did movies, like, twice a year.
So, anyway, sorry I didn't blog. Now I'm just waiting for my husband to come home (he comes home the 17th--well, he's slated to come home that day...we'll see if he actually does), so we can start all over again. Although, if we're lucky, I will be able to start the meds and shots again before he comes home so that I'll be ready as soon as he gets here. On that, I will definitely keep you posted!
Good night!
Monday, October 22, 2012
6 more days...such a nail biter
So, I am really worried I'm NOT pregnant. I mean, HOW do you have 10 eggs and not get pregnant?! I still have until the end of this week before I take a test, but I'm starting to feel really skeptical and a little upset. I think the term I'm searching for here is, "Meh!" (courtesy of Beaker from the Muppets)
Sorry, I'm a little negative...I just needed to vent. :) lol. It helps me feel I'm taking control. Yes, complaining is something I can control...so I do it on occasion :p
But seriously, I'm also anxious about the whole thing. Not to mention I'm anxious about the state of our country, as well as a plethora of other things we have going on in our life. Right now, Chris is off at training (training for deployment, which he will do in February...so, in 4 months) in California until mid-ish November and I've recently taken on being part of a PTO. I'm on the board of the organization, so I feel like I spend more time stressing over PTO stuff than I spend actually getting things done. Lol!
Anyway, I will just determine right now that, no matter what, it's okay if I'm not pregnant and, if not, that will get us that much closer to figuring out a better way. Although, the farther I get down this road the more I feel like I don't really want to do IVF, regardless. Not sure why. But it's just a thought at this point.
All right, until later!
...
Sorry, I'm a little negative...I just needed to vent. :) lol. It helps me feel I'm taking control. Yes, complaining is something I can control...so I do it on occasion :p
But seriously, I'm also anxious about the whole thing. Not to mention I'm anxious about the state of our country, as well as a plethora of other things we have going on in our life. Right now, Chris is off at training (training for deployment, which he will do in February...so, in 4 months) in California until mid-ish November and I've recently taken on being part of a PTO. I'm on the board of the organization, so I feel like I spend more time stressing over PTO stuff than I spend actually getting things done. Lol!
Anyway, I will just determine right now that, no matter what, it's okay if I'm not pregnant and, if not, that will get us that much closer to figuring out a better way. Although, the farther I get down this road the more I feel like I don't really want to do IVF, regardless. Not sure why. But it's just a thought at this point.
All right, until later!
...
Monday, October 15, 2012
Probably literally a baker's dozen!
So right now I have a "better than sex" cake beginning in the oven. And I have to say I think I take issue with that right now. :D Mostly because I know that the only thing "better than..." for me, at this point, is making babies, emphasis on the "babies" part.
Anyway, so we have quite the news! (Nope, not pregnant yet...read on.) I went to my appointment this last Friday morning and the doctor did another ultrasound and he found 6 perfect follicles (ie. eggs) in my ovaries! Yay! Well, in order to make the eggs drop (or ovulate) they gave me this syringe of a medicine called Ovidrel (sp?). You give yourself the shot and then you wait about 12 hours and then you can try. So my doctor said that I could go home and give myself the shot and then between the 12-36 hours window later we could start trying.
So I came home and Chris gave me the shot and we were like, "Okay...well, no getting off now!" Since Chris is leaving soon (this Wed) we really felt like this was a good thing because now we weren't rushed. Well, 2 hours later I get a call from the doctor's office. The nurse tells me that I need to wait to take the shot because my blood test came back and my levels (levels of what, I'm not sure) are really high. Of course, I tell her, "Uh...little late!" (lol) So she says she'll call the doctor and then call me back.
Well, the doctor called me back like 2 seconds later and explains to me that basically each egg has a level (again with this level thing...) of 150-200 and my levels are over 2000! So we're talking 10 eggs or more! Which is considerably more than he had seen or supposed that morning. Soooooooo, we had a nice long talk about repurcussions and choices and what if's, etc. etc., but ultimately he left the decision up to us, with a strong recommendation to wait. I know! Talk about disappointing!
So, I called my mom and I talked to some girlfriends...(hey! I'm a girl. It's what we do...) and everyone was, of course, supportive. Then I called Chris and we chatted, but it wasn't until I got home that we threw around our thoughts. Chris was leaning towards going ahead anyway, but I kept waffling and doing the freak out thing because, let's face it, I'm not interested in dropping a litter.
Well, that night I realized that, you know, if I couldn't decide what to do, that I should err on the side of the doctor's opinion to wait. I told Chris, he was okay with it (but not excited) so we didn't try at the 12 hour mark.
The next morning, however, I woke up feeling a little calmer about it. My mom had told us to pray about it and I realized that maybe I should get a blessing. (Duh! I always forget about that.) So Chris gave me one and it was pretty clear that it was okay to try. It's so interesting how the atmosphere changes between us (me and Chris), and probably every other couple on the planet, when you're trying to get pregnant and there's a really good chance that it will actually happen. Needless to say, Chris was so sweet to me all day, like I actually was pregnant. And I'll admit,...I kind of liked it! :)
So, now it's a waiting game. In about two weeks I'll take a pregnancy test and get back to you! Well, I'll blog between now and then because something will surely come up, but I won't know anything for another two weeks. If I had my choice, and I know this sounds crazy, I think I'd like this to be my last pregnancy and have twins or triplets. I know, I said I knew it sounded crazy, but...I just want babies SO BAD!
Anyway, we shall see...stay tuned!
...
Anyway, so we have quite the news! (Nope, not pregnant yet...read on.) I went to my appointment this last Friday morning and the doctor did another ultrasound and he found 6 perfect follicles (ie. eggs) in my ovaries! Yay! Well, in order to make the eggs drop (or ovulate) they gave me this syringe of a medicine called Ovidrel (sp?). You give yourself the shot and then you wait about 12 hours and then you can try. So my doctor said that I could go home and give myself the shot and then between the 12-36 hours window later we could start trying.
So I came home and Chris gave me the shot and we were like, "Okay...well, no getting off now!" Since Chris is leaving soon (this Wed) we really felt like this was a good thing because now we weren't rushed. Well, 2 hours later I get a call from the doctor's office. The nurse tells me that I need to wait to take the shot because my blood test came back and my levels (levels of what, I'm not sure) are really high. Of course, I tell her, "Uh...little late!" (lol) So she says she'll call the doctor and then call me back.
Well, the doctor called me back like 2 seconds later and explains to me that basically each egg has a level (again with this level thing...) of 150-200 and my levels are over 2000! So we're talking 10 eggs or more! Which is considerably more than he had seen or supposed that morning. Soooooooo, we had a nice long talk about repurcussions and choices and what if's, etc. etc., but ultimately he left the decision up to us, with a strong recommendation to wait. I know! Talk about disappointing!
So, I called my mom and I talked to some girlfriends...(hey! I'm a girl. It's what we do...) and everyone was, of course, supportive. Then I called Chris and we chatted, but it wasn't until I got home that we threw around our thoughts. Chris was leaning towards going ahead anyway, but I kept waffling and doing the freak out thing because, let's face it, I'm not interested in dropping a litter.
Well, that night I realized that, you know, if I couldn't decide what to do, that I should err on the side of the doctor's opinion to wait. I told Chris, he was okay with it (but not excited) so we didn't try at the 12 hour mark.
The next morning, however, I woke up feeling a little calmer about it. My mom had told us to pray about it and I realized that maybe I should get a blessing. (Duh! I always forget about that.) So Chris gave me one and it was pretty clear that it was okay to try. It's so interesting how the atmosphere changes between us (me and Chris), and probably every other couple on the planet, when you're trying to get pregnant and there's a really good chance that it will actually happen. Needless to say, Chris was so sweet to me all day, like I actually was pregnant. And I'll admit,...I kind of liked it! :)
So, now it's a waiting game. In about two weeks I'll take a pregnancy test and get back to you! Well, I'll blog between now and then because something will surely come up, but I won't know anything for another two weeks. If I had my choice, and I know this sounds crazy, I think I'd like this to be my last pregnancy and have twins or triplets. I know, I said I knew it sounded crazy, but...I just want babies SO BAD!
Anyway, we shall see...stay tuned!
...
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Gimme an "F!"
OMGosh...late last night I remembered that I was supposed to blog on Monday. I swear...I SHOULD be pregnant for as absent-minded as I feel. I've started being part of the PTO here and it's a lot of work. There is something to do just about every day, it amazes me. I think that's part of why I'm more scattered.
But anyway, as wonderful as it would be if I were pregnant all of a sudden (and it stuck), alas, I am not. BUT, I did end up getting an appointment for last Friday, instead of Monday, which was truly fortuitous because I cycled that day. (Sorry, if there are any guys who read this.)
So, on Friday the doctor had all my records (finally), I got an ultra-sound and a blood draw, and we started a "plan" for baby making. Woohoo! She's started me on Follistrum (sp?) shots, which is straight FSH. We are bypassing the Clomed (sp?) route altogether and just going for it! So, I started the shots on Saturday and, I'm not really one for shots so it freaked me out a little to do them on myself, but this needle is SO tiny that I can't even feel it. That's so strange to me. I keep expecting it to hurt.
Anyway, I went back in yesterday (Wednesday) for another ultra-sound and blood draw so she could check how my body is accepting the medicine and my follicles are growing (Yay! "F" is for follicles!!)...almost a little too much, in fact. So she decreased my dosage and I go in again this Friday for another ultra-sound and blood draw. We will be ready to "try" in a few days. Chris is actually leaving in about a week for a whole month (I know, right!) so we are just barely going to squeak it in this month. It would be nice if we had the full 3 days to try, but I'm really grateful for at least one day. All things considering, I'm not overly optimistic anything will happen this month, but when he comes home he will be back JUST IN TIME to try again next month. So, there's a blessing in there, I think.
Okay, so that's the news and I think I'll set an alarm in my phone for Monday! Lol!!!
...
But anyway, as wonderful as it would be if I were pregnant all of a sudden (and it stuck), alas, I am not. BUT, I did end up getting an appointment for last Friday, instead of Monday, which was truly fortuitous because I cycled that day. (Sorry, if there are any guys who read this.)
So, on Friday the doctor had all my records (finally), I got an ultra-sound and a blood draw, and we started a "plan" for baby making. Woohoo! She's started me on Follistrum (sp?) shots, which is straight FSH. We are bypassing the Clomed (sp?) route altogether and just going for it! So, I started the shots on Saturday and, I'm not really one for shots so it freaked me out a little to do them on myself, but this needle is SO tiny that I can't even feel it. That's so strange to me. I keep expecting it to hurt.
Anyway, I went back in yesterday (Wednesday) for another ultra-sound and blood draw so she could check how my body is accepting the medicine and my follicles are growing (Yay! "F" is for follicles!!)...almost a little too much, in fact. So she decreased my dosage and I go in again this Friday for another ultra-sound and blood draw. We will be ready to "try" in a few days. Chris is actually leaving in about a week for a whole month (I know, right!) so we are just barely going to squeak it in this month. It would be nice if we had the full 3 days to try, but I'm really grateful for at least one day. All things considering, I'm not overly optimistic anything will happen this month, but when he comes home he will be back JUST IN TIME to try again next month. So, there's a blessing in there, I think.
Okay, so that's the news and I think I'll set an alarm in my phone for Monday! Lol!!!
...
Thursday, October 4, 2012
The not-so-clever ramblings of a dehydrated mother...
I have an appointment!!! It's on Monday but I'm going to see if there is any way to do it tomorrow. Chris has a 4-day weekend (yeehaw!) so tomorrow would work great since Mari will be in school. So I'll call first thing in the morning...you never know, someone may have canceled.
So that's the news, but I thought I'd digress for a moment. Mari has started riding her bike to school. This is a big deal in our house...she has been begging for weeks to be a "bike rider." She's tired of being a "walker." It's a little comical and sad at the same time because snow season is fast approaching. Oops. I should have let her do it sooner but I'm a nervous wreck about this stuff. Plus, a bike lock no longer exists that 7-yr old hands can manage. Whatever happened to those skinny wire things you could wrap around your bike and then put a padlock on? Or those flimsy chain locks covered in plastic that had combination dials on them? I only have to keep 10-year olds from stealing her bike. Pretty sure none of them are packing wire cutters. So all that I've been able to find are these massive coiled cables with combination locks. They are heavy and you can't stretch those cables without breaking a sweat! Good grief. Oh well, not a dilemma but I digress. So, I wasn't letting Mari ride her bike for that reason, until I noticed NOBODY locks their bike. Oh. Then I felt bad. So Mari rides now, but it's not going to last long. Lol! Poor thing.
And right now I have a headache because I don't drink water like I should. I go through phases, 3 weeks of good H2O drinking and then 1 week where I peter out. Then the headache hits. Anyone beginning to think I'm not very healthy? SHHHHH. It's not true. I'm totally healthy...I just don't take care of myself like I should. Again, no judging. :)
Okay, I think that's enough rambling. Hopefully I'll get this appointment tomorrow, but if not, I still have my appointment Monday which is my next blog day, so I will DEFINITELY have news that day. I hope it's "moving forward" kind of news. Talk at ya later!
:)...
So that's the news, but I thought I'd digress for a moment. Mari has started riding her bike to school. This is a big deal in our house...she has been begging for weeks to be a "bike rider." She's tired of being a "walker." It's a little comical and sad at the same time because snow season is fast approaching. Oops. I should have let her do it sooner but I'm a nervous wreck about this stuff. Plus, a bike lock no longer exists that 7-yr old hands can manage. Whatever happened to those skinny wire things you could wrap around your bike and then put a padlock on? Or those flimsy chain locks covered in plastic that had combination dials on them? I only have to keep 10-year olds from stealing her bike. Pretty sure none of them are packing wire cutters. So all that I've been able to find are these massive coiled cables with combination locks. They are heavy and you can't stretch those cables without breaking a sweat! Good grief. Oh well, not a dilemma but I digress. So, I wasn't letting Mari ride her bike for that reason, until I noticed NOBODY locks their bike. Oh. Then I felt bad. So Mari rides now, but it's not going to last long. Lol! Poor thing.
And right now I have a headache because I don't drink water like I should. I go through phases, 3 weeks of good H2O drinking and then 1 week where I peter out. Then the headache hits. Anyone beginning to think I'm not very healthy? SHHHHH. It's not true. I'm totally healthy...I just don't take care of myself like I should. Again, no judging. :)
Okay, I think that's enough rambling. Hopefully I'll get this appointment tomorrow, but if not, I still have my appointment Monday which is my next blog day, so I will DEFINITELY have news that day. I hope it's "moving forward" kind of news. Talk at ya later!
:)...
Monday, October 1, 2012
I am a terrible blogger...
I am the single WORST blogger in the world!!!!!!! I really haven't had any new news because that doctor's office never did send my lab results. Seriously? Yeah! And I know some of you said to go down there, but we have one car and, while my schedule would permit me to spend however long it took to do that, my husband's and my daughter's don't. And I figure if I'm going to get nasty, I'm going to be justified when I do.
So, anyway I went ahead and called my new doctor today to see if they had received all my stuff and NOPE, they hadn't. The receptionist said she would call them to see what was up. But I went ahead and called them too and left a very polite, scathing message since they didn't pick up. JERKS! I was calm, but I think you could hear the edge in my voice (which I did on purpose). Plus, I insinuated very underhandedly that they were unprofessional pigs. But, I was very nice the whole time. (I rather enjoy doing it that way...but only to people who deserve it of course.)
Anyway, I actually had more than a couple people comment about my lack of blog...eeks! So, yes, I suck. And my friend who coached me on this whole blogging thing to begin with told me, "Whatever you do, you HAVE to keep up with your blogging schedule. If you start blogging everyday, you gotta keep up. If you blog once a week, you better stick to it." Ugh...I know, right? I double suck. :( But I think I'll get over it. (Bwahahaha)
So, moving onward and upward...Did I tell you that my new doctor put me on a new diet? >snort< Like THAT is going to work! So, yeah, she put me on the no carb thing, but if I HAD to have them (carbs), I should choose whole grain stuff. YUMMY... So, I figure, pototoes don't come with a whole grain option, so I'm pretty sure she wasn't talking about those. DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!!!!! ...I am trying to stick with it, but after a couple of weeks or so I was starting to get, like, faint with no carbs. Um, I thought you were supposed to feel better on a diet? Whatever. I mean, I know, I should be grateful because now I can have my fill of bacon (and not just turkey bacon, people...the REAL DEAL!!) and actually feel good about myself, plus she could have put me on a diet of barley and cabbage (>gag<), but it's still hard. I SAID DON'T JUDGE ME. :D
Well, I'll sign out for now and I promise I will blog on Thursday!!!! Love ya all!!!
So, anyway I went ahead and called my new doctor today to see if they had received all my stuff and NOPE, they hadn't. The receptionist said she would call them to see what was up. But I went ahead and called them too and left a very polite, scathing message since they didn't pick up. JERKS! I was calm, but I think you could hear the edge in my voice (which I did on purpose). Plus, I insinuated very underhandedly that they were unprofessional pigs. But, I was very nice the whole time. (I rather enjoy doing it that way...but only to people who deserve it of course.)
Anyway, I actually had more than a couple people comment about my lack of blog...eeks! So, yes, I suck. And my friend who coached me on this whole blogging thing to begin with told me, "Whatever you do, you HAVE to keep up with your blogging schedule. If you start blogging everyday, you gotta keep up. If you blog once a week, you better stick to it." Ugh...I know, right? I double suck. :( But I think I'll get over it. (Bwahahaha)
So, moving onward and upward...Did I tell you that my new doctor put me on a new diet? >snort< Like THAT is going to work! So, yeah, she put me on the no carb thing, but if I HAD to have them (carbs), I should choose whole grain stuff. YUMMY... So, I figure, pototoes don't come with a whole grain option, so I'm pretty sure she wasn't talking about those. DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!!!!! ...I am trying to stick with it, but after a couple of weeks or so I was starting to get, like, faint with no carbs. Um, I thought you were supposed to feel better on a diet? Whatever. I mean, I know, I should be grateful because now I can have my fill of bacon (and not just turkey bacon, people...the REAL DEAL!!) and actually feel good about myself, plus she could have put me on a diet of barley and cabbage (>gag<), but it's still hard. I SAID DON'T JUDGE ME. :D
Well, I'll sign out for now and I promise I will blog on Thursday!!!! Love ya all!!!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
SUPER quick update! :)
No new news really, but I didn't want anyone to think I had just forgotten I was blogging. "Oh yeeeaah! I was supposed to blog yesterday!!"
ANYWAY..., so I did NOT get to keep my appointment last Tuesday (Sept. 4) because those results were not sent by my old doctor. I can't remember now if I blogged this already, but when I called the gal was like, "Well, the state gives us 30 days..." (blah blah blah) Doesn't it bug you, just a little, when people use their legal rights as an excuse for not being a decent human being?
Whatever. Anyway, I did get a call from my new doctor's office, however, and my HSG results (from an office in Las Vegas--yes, I was waiting on those too, but they were less important) did come and so now we're just waiting on the others. She said she would call when they came.
So that's my super quick update and as soon as I know more I will be blogging!!!
Happy rainy day everybody!!! (yes, it is raining here... :) )
...
ANYWAY..., so I did NOT get to keep my appointment last Tuesday (Sept. 4) because those results were not sent by my old doctor. I can't remember now if I blogged this already, but when I called the gal was like, "Well, the state gives us 30 days..." (blah blah blah) Doesn't it bug you, just a little, when people use their legal rights as an excuse for not being a decent human being?
Whatever. Anyway, I did get a call from my new doctor's office, however, and my HSG results (from an office in Las Vegas--yes, I was waiting on those too, but they were less important) did come and so now we're just waiting on the others. She said she would call when they came.
So that's my super quick update and as soon as I know more I will be blogging!!!
Happy rainy day everybody!!! (yes, it is raining here... :) )
...
Thursday, August 30, 2012
So there's good news and some itty bitty bad news...
Update:
I went to my new doctor for the first time yesterday. Uuuuuum, I am SO glad I made the decision to switch!!!
So here's the Reader's Digest version:
Good News -- We are very likely able to get pregnant on our own (without IVF or other help)because 1) I am most likely not ovulating and 2) I very possibly have PCOS. I, myself, have known this for a while and my new doctor thinks we need to really exhaust those two things before we do anything else because she said there are ways to treat them that will increase chances of pregnancy. While I am happy to hear that, I certainly feel slapped in the face by my last doctor, who did not address either of these issues EVEN THOUGH I brought them up to him and to my nurses there in the very beginning. Doesn't it upset you when people ignore you, like you are a complete moron and really have no clue about your own body, etc.? Rrrrrr... Oh! And she also said that Chris's 4% sperm morphology is actually NOT an issue and is termed 'normal' in her office. So the turtle IS fertile!!! Yay!
Okay, and now for the bad news -- She said that no matter how "great" my eggs look, age really is a huge factor in healthy pregnancy, viable pregnancy, full-term pregnancy, etc. So, I'm depressed, but we have felt prompted to do this, so I have to rely on that and not freak out over what medecine says. But she also did say that, even with the age thing, she has seen that rule broken time and time again. So, it may not be that bad...
Oh! And here's the other things that chaps me a little, while my old doctor didn't come out and say we were excellent candidates for IVF, he also didn't tell me I wasn't when I DID say it. And my new doctor did correct me. I mean, really, I have nothing against anyone who wants to make money...but I do take issue with being so money hungry that you walk that fine line of what's honest and ethical in your business dealings. Double rrrr... Whatever.
But, the my new doc did say she wanted to try and see me again next Tuesday (yay???) but it is entirely dependent upon whether or not my old doctor's office will send all my lab and testing results over so she can go over them. Say a little prayer for me that they'll make it over? I would explain why it's important that I keep this appointment on Tuesday, but that would be bordering on TMI, so...just a prayer is good! :) Lol!
...
I went to my new doctor for the first time yesterday. Uuuuuum, I am SO glad I made the decision to switch!!!
So here's the Reader's Digest version:
Good News -- We are very likely able to get pregnant on our own (without IVF or other help)because 1) I am most likely not ovulating and 2) I very possibly have PCOS. I, myself, have known this for a while and my new doctor thinks we need to really exhaust those two things before we do anything else because she said there are ways to treat them that will increase chances of pregnancy. While I am happy to hear that, I certainly feel slapped in the face by my last doctor, who did not address either of these issues EVEN THOUGH I brought them up to him and to my nurses there in the very beginning. Doesn't it upset you when people ignore you, like you are a complete moron and really have no clue about your own body, etc.? Rrrrrr... Oh! And she also said that Chris's 4% sperm morphology is actually NOT an issue and is termed 'normal' in her office. So the turtle IS fertile!!! Yay!
Okay, and now for the bad news -- She said that no matter how "great" my eggs look, age really is a huge factor in healthy pregnancy, viable pregnancy, full-term pregnancy, etc. So, I'm depressed, but we have felt prompted to do this, so I have to rely on that and not freak out over what medecine says. But she also did say that, even with the age thing, she has seen that rule broken time and time again. So, it may not be that bad...
Oh! And here's the other things that chaps me a little, while my old doctor didn't come out and say we were excellent candidates for IVF, he also didn't tell me I wasn't when I DID say it. And my new doctor did correct me. I mean, really, I have nothing against anyone who wants to make money...but I do take issue with being so money hungry that you walk that fine line of what's honest and ethical in your business dealings. Double rrrr... Whatever.
But, the my new doc did say she wanted to try and see me again next Tuesday (yay???) but it is entirely dependent upon whether or not my old doctor's office will send all my lab and testing results over so she can go over them. Say a little prayer for me that they'll make it over? I would explain why it's important that I keep this appointment on Tuesday, but that would be bordering on TMI, so...just a prayer is good! :) Lol!
...
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
I know I'm a little over the top, but I'm excited anyway!
OMGosh, OMGosh, OMGosh!!! Okay, those of you who know me well...wait, who am I kidding?, pretty much any of you who even know me moderately, KNOW that I am slightly given to expressive emotion, exuberance, excitement, etc. Lol! So why am I so excited today?
WELL, I'll tell you! So, I know I explained that I am going to see a new doctor on Sept. 6. Well, as it turns out I am leaving to go to Idaho that weekend and have to leave, yes, on Sept. 6. Argh! So I called and they had a cancellation for tomorrow!!!!! So I get to see my new doc tomorrow at 2!
I am SO excited and can not wait to hear what she thinks! (the doctor) I am actually really hopeful about this because, well, let me explain...
I don't know if I've explained this already, but the really expensive doc actually has a program where if you get a group of people together (as many as you want, according to what he told me) to come to one of his seminars (he said it was free, too), then he gives a $75 credit for each adult there. It's a great way for him to advertise and a great way for his patients to save money. Well, as with many big decisions I make, I think it's best to press forward with all options "just in case." So, I decided to go ahead and take the next step with him by scheduling one of these seminars. Well, listen to this: the gal responsible for scheduling informs me that she will, within 24 hours, send me the available dates and that, by the way, the credit is going down to $50 per adult beginning September 1. I called over a week ago and do you think I have gotten ANYTHING from them? That's right, NOPE!! (jerks) So even if I WANTED to schedule this seminar in August, in order to get the $75/adult credit, she has literally made it impossible now. Um, I'm slightly unimpressed and feeling hopeful that doors will open elsewhere, as this particular door seems to be closing.
Anyway, that's my news for the day! I am so excited that I was, not only, able to reschedule this very important appointment, but to get in more than a week earlier than my original appt date!!! I was so worried I was not going to get in until mid to end of September. Yay!!! :)
...
WELL, I'll tell you! So, I know I explained that I am going to see a new doctor on Sept. 6. Well, as it turns out I am leaving to go to Idaho that weekend and have to leave, yes, on Sept. 6. Argh! So I called and they had a cancellation for tomorrow!!!!! So I get to see my new doc tomorrow at 2!
I am SO excited and can not wait to hear what she thinks! (the doctor) I am actually really hopeful about this because, well, let me explain...
I don't know if I've explained this already, but the really expensive doc actually has a program where if you get a group of people together (as many as you want, according to what he told me) to come to one of his seminars (he said it was free, too), then he gives a $75 credit for each adult there. It's a great way for him to advertise and a great way for his patients to save money. Well, as with many big decisions I make, I think it's best to press forward with all options "just in case." So, I decided to go ahead and take the next step with him by scheduling one of these seminars. Well, listen to this: the gal responsible for scheduling informs me that she will, within 24 hours, send me the available dates and that, by the way, the credit is going down to $50 per adult beginning September 1. I called over a week ago and do you think I have gotten ANYTHING from them? That's right, NOPE!! (jerks) So even if I WANTED to schedule this seminar in August, in order to get the $75/adult credit, she has literally made it impossible now. Um, I'm slightly unimpressed and feeling hopeful that doors will open elsewhere, as this particular door seems to be closing.
Anyway, that's my news for the day! I am so excited that I was, not only, able to reschedule this very important appointment, but to get in more than a week earlier than my original appt date!!! I was so worried I was not going to get in until mid to end of September. Yay!!! :)
...
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Waiting to do it...SO exciting!!!
Today has been BUSY! I can not believe how much stuff just seems to creep out of the woodwork that you just HAVE to do. And my daughter is only 6! And I only have one child! I watch moms with teenagers and older children and they are literally running all day because the older the children get, the more involved they are. But, to be fair to me (ha ha), we only have one car, so that is part of the reason for the craziness. On days where I need the car, I have to chauffer my husband, as well as run errands. Anyway, not complaining, I have just been wanting to blog today and NO TIME.
BUT...now I have time! So, here's the next scoop: I was talking with a friend the other day about how worried I've been about the expense of IVF.
Oh wait, let me interject here really quickly...so, I know I've talked about reservations and not really feeling a tug to have more kids. Let me explain...you know how some women are like, "I just feel there are more children we are supposed to have." etc. etc.? Well, THAT'S what I was talking about. I've never had that experience. Maybe it's because I've always wanted a lot of kids that it hasn't been necessary for God to prompt that special feeling in me. I don't know. But, I definitely did have the feeling, while we were talking to our fertility doctor about our lab results, that if we pressed forward with IVF that it WOULD work. And that right there made me very happy. The only thing is that this particular fertility doctor we have been seeing does one IVF cycle for $13,500 or four cycles for $27,500. Yeah, hello EXPENSIVE! Okay, back to our regularly scheduled blog...
So, I'm talking to my friend about all this, and while we were talking she just says, "Have you gotten a blessing?" I had two reactions: 1) "Oh! Um, no actually." and 2) DUH! I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of that sooner. So I ask Chris if he'll give me one, and it was really interesting because it was very clear that we should not worry about the money and we should press forward. It was so wonderful because it really kind of erased all those feelings of doubt about my one stressor (money). And then I had several friends post about other options after my last blog, which was a huge help! (Thanks ladies!!!)
So, here's the new "thing" if you will. In order for me to go to my fertility doctor, my OB/GYN had to refer me to him/her. So, of course, he sent me to this first doctor that I've already told you charges an arm and a leg. Plus, important to note, our insurance won't pay any of the IVF with this particular doctor. (And let me just say, for the record, that it is TOTALLY this doctor's prerogative to charge what he wants. I am not of the mindset that you have to give away your talents or services for free just because people don't have money. He is a talented doctor and I know he would be successful in helping us, in which case, he deserves to be paid what he feels he's worth by anyone who wants to go to him.) So, although it's taken us a while to get to this point, both Chris and I thought (especially in light of all your comments, too) that we should maybe check into other doctors or avenues.
So, I was (rather difficultly, I might add) able to get my OB to refer me to someone else. He wasn't going to, so I had to resort to name dropping. I know, I'm so ashamed, but there it is. So, I've now called and I have an appointment scheduled with this new doc on Sept. 6. And I am actually quite anxious (in a good way) because I'm hoping that she will have good news, insurance/finances-wise, for us.
But, to end, the way it goes is this: I was walking with a friend this morning and I felt this wave come over me. We ARE going to have another baby (if we're lucky, babies) and something in this journey has grounded me and dispelled the heavy doubts of "OMGosh, but how are we going to do this?" And what it has left me with is just...excitement. I know it's going to happen and I'm just so excited to hurry up and get going!
...
BUT...now I have time! So, here's the next scoop: I was talking with a friend the other day about how worried I've been about the expense of IVF.
Oh wait, let me interject here really quickly...so, I know I've talked about reservations and not really feeling a tug to have more kids. Let me explain...you know how some women are like, "I just feel there are more children we are supposed to have." etc. etc.? Well, THAT'S what I was talking about. I've never had that experience. Maybe it's because I've always wanted a lot of kids that it hasn't been necessary for God to prompt that special feeling in me. I don't know. But, I definitely did have the feeling, while we were talking to our fertility doctor about our lab results, that if we pressed forward with IVF that it WOULD work. And that right there made me very happy. The only thing is that this particular fertility doctor we have been seeing does one IVF cycle for $13,500 or four cycles for $27,500. Yeah, hello EXPENSIVE! Okay, back to our regularly scheduled blog...
So, I'm talking to my friend about all this, and while we were talking she just says, "Have you gotten a blessing?" I had two reactions: 1) "Oh! Um, no actually." and 2) DUH! I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of that sooner. So I ask Chris if he'll give me one, and it was really interesting because it was very clear that we should not worry about the money and we should press forward. It was so wonderful because it really kind of erased all those feelings of doubt about my one stressor (money). And then I had several friends post about other options after my last blog, which was a huge help! (Thanks ladies!!!)
So, here's the new "thing" if you will. In order for me to go to my fertility doctor, my OB/GYN had to refer me to him/her. So, of course, he sent me to this first doctor that I've already told you charges an arm and a leg. Plus, important to note, our insurance won't pay any of the IVF with this particular doctor. (And let me just say, for the record, that it is TOTALLY this doctor's prerogative to charge what he wants. I am not of the mindset that you have to give away your talents or services for free just because people don't have money. He is a talented doctor and I know he would be successful in helping us, in which case, he deserves to be paid what he feels he's worth by anyone who wants to go to him.) So, although it's taken us a while to get to this point, both Chris and I thought (especially in light of all your comments, too) that we should maybe check into other doctors or avenues.
So, I was (rather difficultly, I might add) able to get my OB to refer me to someone else. He wasn't going to, so I had to resort to name dropping. I know, I'm so ashamed, but there it is. So, I've now called and I have an appointment scheduled with this new doc on Sept. 6. And I am actually quite anxious (in a good way) because I'm hoping that she will have good news, insurance/finances-wise, for us.
But, to end, the way it goes is this: I was walking with a friend this morning and I felt this wave come over me. We ARE going to have another baby (if we're lucky, babies) and something in this journey has grounded me and dispelled the heavy doubts of "OMGosh, but how are we going to do this?" And what it has left me with is just...excitement. I know it's going to happen and I'm just so excited to hurry up and get going!
...
Monday, August 20, 2012
Fertile Myrtle and Not-so-fertile Turtle
So I really have had no idea what to do about the 'baby' thing...my husband doesn't just WANT more children...he feels strongly that we should have more children.
And I've already shared that we lost two pregnancies. There was also a third, but I didn't even make it to my first appointment with the doctor because I miscarried naturally. (Um, hello painful...) And that time I told NO ONE until months later. This was in May of 2010.
So, two+ years and three failed pregnancies later, we have not gotten pregnant again. I know we don't rank among the worst cases out there when it comes to this, but it's pretty obvious that if we've only gotten pregnant 3 times in the last 7 years and none have been viable...something is wrong.
Now you may ask, "Have you looked into adoption?" Yes, we have, but in order to get a baby through LDS social services (which is who we'd really like to go through) you have to have documented infertility. I don't know if it has always been thus, but it is now. Although, I will admit that I haven't looked into any other agencies.
There are others of you who are also probably asking, "Have you gone to see your doctor about fertility?" Well, since you ask, also YES! We didn't go for a long time, but when Chris went into the Army it was just the green light we needed to at least look into what might be going on with us. (Which we would have to anyway for adoption...)
So, I went to my doctor, who referred me to my OB/GYN (that's the way it works in the Army...lots of referrals), who ran a few tests and said, "I think I need to refer you to a specialist." Which was good news and not so good news. I mean, if you're going to a specialist then you feel good that you're going to an expert. However, if you're going to a specialist, you might be really jacked up.
So, in March of this year we went to see our new fertility doctor and they started doing lab work and tests immediately. It took us until just last month (July) to get all results in, but the good news is I AM HEALTHY!!!! Well, fertility-wise. So, yay!!!! No fertility meds for me! However, it is also the bad news because my husband is the problem. Hmmmm....
So, there are two methods used to help get pregnant: IUI and/or IVF. IUI (intra-uterine insemination) is where they just inject sperm directly into the uterus. I believe this is so the sperm doesn't have to travel so far as it does with the "natural method." (ha ha) IVF (in-vitro fertilization) is the petri dish method. Essentially, they take the best sperm, the best eggs, make zygotes and then implant the best ones in the womb.
So, my husband's sperm (OMGosh, he's just going to love that I'm blogging this...) has no issue with motility or count. The problem is morphology. That's just a really nice way of saying "development." "Normal" morphology should be at 15%. Which is, at least 15% of a guy's sperm should have one normal sized head and one normal sized tail. His is 4%.
SO, what does this mean? Well, basically, IUI ain't gonna cut it. It will be just about as good as "doin it" the good ol' fashioned way. Which means, IVF IT MUST BE!!!
We're actually ideal candidates for IVF because my eggs are actually the eggs of a teenager AND my uterus is normal! Again...YAY! And even though Chris's sperm are less than ideal, the clinic is going to pick the normal 4% to use for the IVF (because they take the best), so my gut tells me that if we do this, it's going to happen. Double YAY!!
So, here's my final thought and question...how do you pay for IVF?
...
And I've already shared that we lost two pregnancies. There was also a third, but I didn't even make it to my first appointment with the doctor because I miscarried naturally. (Um, hello painful...) And that time I told NO ONE until months later. This was in May of 2010.
So, two+ years and three failed pregnancies later, we have not gotten pregnant again. I know we don't rank among the worst cases out there when it comes to this, but it's pretty obvious that if we've only gotten pregnant 3 times in the last 7 years and none have been viable...something is wrong.
Now you may ask, "Have you looked into adoption?" Yes, we have, but in order to get a baby through LDS social services (which is who we'd really like to go through) you have to have documented infertility. I don't know if it has always been thus, but it is now. Although, I will admit that I haven't looked into any other agencies.
There are others of you who are also probably asking, "Have you gone to see your doctor about fertility?" Well, since you ask, also YES! We didn't go for a long time, but when Chris went into the Army it was just the green light we needed to at least look into what might be going on with us. (Which we would have to anyway for adoption...)
So, I went to my doctor, who referred me to my OB/GYN (that's the way it works in the Army...lots of referrals), who ran a few tests and said, "I think I need to refer you to a specialist." Which was good news and not so good news. I mean, if you're going to a specialist then you feel good that you're going to an expert. However, if you're going to a specialist, you might be really jacked up.
So, in March of this year we went to see our new fertility doctor and they started doing lab work and tests immediately. It took us until just last month (July) to get all results in, but the good news is I AM HEALTHY!!!! Well, fertility-wise. So, yay!!!! No fertility meds for me! However, it is also the bad news because my husband is the problem. Hmmmm....
So, there are two methods used to help get pregnant: IUI and/or IVF. IUI (intra-uterine insemination) is where they just inject sperm directly into the uterus. I believe this is so the sperm doesn't have to travel so far as it does with the "natural method." (ha ha) IVF (in-vitro fertilization) is the petri dish method. Essentially, they take the best sperm, the best eggs, make zygotes and then implant the best ones in the womb.
So, my husband's sperm (OMGosh, he's just going to love that I'm blogging this...) has no issue with motility or count. The problem is morphology. That's just a really nice way of saying "development." "Normal" morphology should be at 15%. Which is, at least 15% of a guy's sperm should have one normal sized head and one normal sized tail. His is 4%.
SO, what does this mean? Well, basically, IUI ain't gonna cut it. It will be just about as good as "doin it" the good ol' fashioned way. Which means, IVF IT MUST BE!!!
We're actually ideal candidates for IVF because my eggs are actually the eggs of a teenager AND my uterus is normal! Again...YAY! And even though Chris's sperm are less than ideal, the clinic is going to pick the normal 4% to use for the IVF (because they take the best), so my gut tells me that if we do this, it's going to happen. Double YAY!!
So, here's my final thought and question...how do you pay for IVF?
...
Thursday, August 16, 2012
The inconceivable truth
So, I said last week that I know I'm not the ONLY woman in the world struggling to have more kids...well, do any of you struggling women ever feel like giving up?
I only ever hear the stories where couples just keep going and jumping through hoops until they get their baby or babies. Which I find SO commendable, because, for me, I really feel,...what's the word...I don't know, "bad" because I'm not feeing that tenacity. I am truly happy with the one I have. And I'm sure there are those of you saying, "Well, then...stop trying! If you're happy, let it go." But, although I am happy with one, I don't necessarily feel complete. I don't feel like I SHOULDN'T have more kids...I just don't feel a pull. And because, aside from the guilt, my husband really wants more kids.
Let me tell you about this man...Chris grew up in a family of 8. His parents have an amazing story about how they decided to be done after 2 kids, then had a very strong impression that they were NOT done having children, so then continued to have 6 MORE! The amazing part of that story is that their first 2 were 11 years and 7 years old! I know, right? My husband happens to be the first of those 6 more children. I could go on to tell you all about his childhood and how he came to form his personal value system, but it really suffices to say that he is absolutely sure in the love that his parents have for him, he is sure in the love that he feels for his own family, for me and for the children he has.
"Children," you ask? Yes, well, my husband was married before. His first marriage lasted 6 years and he has one son from that. His son was born with a congenital disease that was physically life-threatening. When his son, Brandon, was 2 they divorced. She moved away and, because of Brandon's delicate state, Chris had to sign over full custody to his ex-wife. If two parents have joint custody then if there were ever a need for the child to have a life-saving procedure, etc. then BOTH parents have to sign on the dotted line. Being that Chris and his son were physically so far apart, it was not in Brandon's best interest for Chris to fight that. The crux of it is this: Chris literally saw his family falling apart, the hopes to have many children were gone, and the one child he DID have pulled right out from underneath him.
And Chris is just one of those rare guys (maybe they're not rare....I certainly hope not anyway) that WANTS a family. He always wanted children, wanted to be married, wanted to be a husband and father. I equate it to all the girls out there (of which I was one) that DREAM of being a mom and taking care of a home.
But then Chris and I meet and all of Chris's hopes for a family are back. Well, I don't ever want to give the impression that Chris is unhappy with the fact that we only have one child together, because he is very happy with us and grateful that we at least have one. But, he still feels strongly that we ought to have more kids. And, like I mentioned earlier, I don't necessarily feel like I DON'T want more children...I just am not feeling the push that I DO...not like my husband.
And I guess that's why I feel guilty...because I don't know if it's that I don't have faith, if I'm just being lazy, or if I'm just being selfish. Whichever it is, none are very comendable.
What do I do?
...
I only ever hear the stories where couples just keep going and jumping through hoops until they get their baby or babies. Which I find SO commendable, because, for me, I really feel,...what's the word...I don't know, "bad" because I'm not feeing that tenacity. I am truly happy with the one I have. And I'm sure there are those of you saying, "Well, then...stop trying! If you're happy, let it go." But, although I am happy with one, I don't necessarily feel complete. I don't feel like I SHOULDN'T have more kids...I just don't feel a pull. And because, aside from the guilt, my husband really wants more kids.
Let me tell you about this man...Chris grew up in a family of 8. His parents have an amazing story about how they decided to be done after 2 kids, then had a very strong impression that they were NOT done having children, so then continued to have 6 MORE! The amazing part of that story is that their first 2 were 11 years and 7 years old! I know, right? My husband happens to be the first of those 6 more children. I could go on to tell you all about his childhood and how he came to form his personal value system, but it really suffices to say that he is absolutely sure in the love that his parents have for him, he is sure in the love that he feels for his own family, for me and for the children he has.
"Children," you ask? Yes, well, my husband was married before. His first marriage lasted 6 years and he has one son from that. His son was born with a congenital disease that was physically life-threatening. When his son, Brandon, was 2 they divorced. She moved away and, because of Brandon's delicate state, Chris had to sign over full custody to his ex-wife. If two parents have joint custody then if there were ever a need for the child to have a life-saving procedure, etc. then BOTH parents have to sign on the dotted line. Being that Chris and his son were physically so far apart, it was not in Brandon's best interest for Chris to fight that. The crux of it is this: Chris literally saw his family falling apart, the hopes to have many children were gone, and the one child he DID have pulled right out from underneath him.
And Chris is just one of those rare guys (maybe they're not rare....I certainly hope not anyway) that WANTS a family. He always wanted children, wanted to be married, wanted to be a husband and father. I equate it to all the girls out there (of which I was one) that DREAM of being a mom and taking care of a home.
But then Chris and I meet and all of Chris's hopes for a family are back. Well, I don't ever want to give the impression that Chris is unhappy with the fact that we only have one child together, because he is very happy with us and grateful that we at least have one. But, he still feels strongly that we ought to have more kids. And, like I mentioned earlier, I don't necessarily feel like I DON'T want more children...I just am not feeling the push that I DO...not like my husband.
And I guess that's why I feel guilty...because I don't know if it's that I don't have faith, if I'm just being lazy, or if I'm just being selfish. Whichever it is, none are very comendable.
What do I do?
...
Monday, August 13, 2012
and then there were two...
So TODAY...besides feeling totally stressed (because life is just stressful), I am totally doubting myself and my decisions for the future. And then somebody asked me the other day why I didn't talk about my husband in the last blog. Never you fear (not that you are), he SHALL be mentioned more. :) I actually did mention him, but it was really one of those "honorable mentions," so, NOT to leave him out, he will surface and resurface. My husband is the BEST husband and I am the luckiest girl in the world, or the most blessed...however you want to look at it. So, stay tuned. :)
In the meantime, I am going to pick up where I left off. :) So, aside from the fear that I felt that I was likely going to lose my OTHER Fallopian tube, we pressed forward with plans to keep trying to conceive. Eventually, my fears faded into frustration because it really was harder; I wasn't getting pregnant.
Until a year later. Mari was born in August of 2005, I got pregnant in August of 2006 (which resulted in taking out my left Fallopian in October), and then I got pregnant again the NEXT August-ish (2007). THIS time I was careful who I told...I shared with a couple of friends and that was it. Well, MY friends shared with other people they felt like needed to know...you know, JUST IN CASE I ended up needing help or comfort or whatever. It was a well-intented thought and deed, but it upset me. And it upset me because I was skeptical.
I've learned that your gut instict or impression is usually the right one. When I found out I was pregnant with Mari, I immediately pictured a baby girl. I just knew. You mothers know exactly what I'm talking about because I'm pretty sure just about all of us have had a similar experience. But even if you're not a mom, I think we all get gut feelings.
So, I was skeptical because something inside me said, "Yeeeeaaah...this may not be the real deal." I, of course, still wanted to be hopeful, which is why I shared with a select few...I asked them to pray for us. I also asked them NOT to share with anyone else. You live and you learn, I guess?
Anyway, because of the ectopic pregnancy, I was considered high-risk and, thus, had to be checked every week in the beginning. My skepticism turned out to be well-founded because although my body kept registering as pregnant, they found nothing in the ultra-sounds. I essentially had an empty womb. They said I could wait for my body to "miscarry" the pregnancy, or they could go in and do a D & C. So, this was even worse than the year before because it truly made me feel hopeless, and something, somewhere inside of me knew right then that we would probably never get pregnant again without help.
Well, I did opt for the D & C. Other than the fact that there was nothing showing up in my uterus, something just told me not to hold on. Maybe that made me a coward? or insensitive? or smart? I don't know. But it was after that that I really didn't want to talk about it.
...
In the meantime, I am going to pick up where I left off. :) So, aside from the fear that I felt that I was likely going to lose my OTHER Fallopian tube, we pressed forward with plans to keep trying to conceive. Eventually, my fears faded into frustration because it really was harder; I wasn't getting pregnant.
Until a year later. Mari was born in August of 2005, I got pregnant in August of 2006 (which resulted in taking out my left Fallopian in October), and then I got pregnant again the NEXT August-ish (2007). THIS time I was careful who I told...I shared with a couple of friends and that was it. Well, MY friends shared with other people they felt like needed to know...you know, JUST IN CASE I ended up needing help or comfort or whatever. It was a well-intented thought and deed, but it upset me. And it upset me because I was skeptical.
I've learned that your gut instict or impression is usually the right one. When I found out I was pregnant with Mari, I immediately pictured a baby girl. I just knew. You mothers know exactly what I'm talking about because I'm pretty sure just about all of us have had a similar experience. But even if you're not a mom, I think we all get gut feelings.
So, I was skeptical because something inside me said, "Yeeeeaaah...this may not be the real deal." I, of course, still wanted to be hopeful, which is why I shared with a select few...I asked them to pray for us. I also asked them NOT to share with anyone else. You live and you learn, I guess?
Anyway, because of the ectopic pregnancy, I was considered high-risk and, thus, had to be checked every week in the beginning. My skepticism turned out to be well-founded because although my body kept registering as pregnant, they found nothing in the ultra-sounds. I essentially had an empty womb. They said I could wait for my body to "miscarry" the pregnancy, or they could go in and do a D & C. So, this was even worse than the year before because it truly made me feel hopeless, and something, somewhere inside of me knew right then that we would probably never get pregnant again without help.
Well, I did opt for the D & C. Other than the fact that there was nothing showing up in my uterus, something just told me not to hold on. Maybe that made me a coward? or insensitive? or smart? I don't know. But it was after that that I really didn't want to talk about it.
...
Thursday, August 9, 2012
In the beginning...
Okay, people...I've read blogs...never written one. I decided to start this one A) because a good friend suggested it, and B) it scares the bejeebies out of me to open up. And if you're scared of honesty, it means you need to do it.
So, I am going to start with the pertinent beginning (because I have many) but, I will always end with a "..." so it doesn't take hours to read my blog each day. So I got married when I was 30 (I'm now 38 and 1/2---the "1/2" is actually important) to my husband, Chris. I come from a HUGE family (10, I'm the 10th) and they all seem to have "powers" when it comes to procreation. To make it short, I have 55 nieces and nephews...and that doesn't include the grandnephews and grandnieces. Everyone seems to have no problem with getting pregnant. I, of course, assumed this would also be my fate: get married, get pregnant, have a huge family, live happily ever after. HA!
Well, because I was 30 I WAS worried about my biological clock, however, I thought, "I got 10 years. Get pregnant every 2 years...equals 5 babies. Lori, you're set. It's not 7 like you wanted, but hey...who can be choosey at this age?" Well, we got married in August and in December I was pregnant. Yes, the plan was in motion and it was looking good.
I had my daughter, Mari, the following August (2005) and the plan was to get pregnant by the next August-ish (I had to stick to my 2 yr/baby plan.). And I DID! It was awesome! It was like I could NOT have planned it better.
Well, to spare you details, there were "signs" and I started going to the doctor before the customary 8 week pregnancy check-up. They started investigating, sending me to the lab for blood draws, ultrasounds, etc. And it seemed like I was going in for more blood draws every other day, which were super-annoying because no one was really telling me anything, other than, "Oh your levels are down when they should be doubled..." blah blah blah. (Be sure to insert your best, know-it-all, doctor voice there.)
Anyway, it was about 6 weeks later and the doctor says, "Well, we're going to have to go in and do exploratory surgery. What are you doing this weekend?" Yes, he ACTUALLY said that. It's funny because I really don't think your weekend plans matter in a case like this. But I digress. So, plans for the weekend...surgery. He went in, the pregnancy was ectopic. If you don't know what that is, the fertilized egg was in my left Fallopian tube. (Those hurt too, by the way.) And if you let those go, your Fallopian tube WILL burst and, if not rushed to a hospital or ER, you WILL bleed out and die. So, my doctor found it, removed the tube, and, of course, removed the egg along with it.
I asked later what my chances were of getting pregnant, now that I only had one tube. He actually said that my chances of having ANOTHER ectopic pregnancy were now DOUBLED and that the "getting pregnant" part was probably just half now because only one ovary can now contribute an egg every other month.
It's definitely a shock to hear something like that, and it's certainly something I NEVER thought I'd hear. And, although it's difficult to describe how that felt, I can say all I really wanted to do was cry and I was really scared to try getting pregnant again. It would be like deliberately risking all chance of having more children.
...
So, I am going to start with the pertinent beginning (because I have many) but, I will always end with a "..." so it doesn't take hours to read my blog each day. So I got married when I was 30 (I'm now 38 and 1/2---the "1/2" is actually important) to my husband, Chris. I come from a HUGE family (10, I'm the 10th) and they all seem to have "powers" when it comes to procreation. To make it short, I have 55 nieces and nephews...and that doesn't include the grandnephews and grandnieces. Everyone seems to have no problem with getting pregnant. I, of course, assumed this would also be my fate: get married, get pregnant, have a huge family, live happily ever after. HA!
Well, because I was 30 I WAS worried about my biological clock, however, I thought, "I got 10 years. Get pregnant every 2 years...equals 5 babies. Lori, you're set. It's not 7 like you wanted, but hey...who can be choosey at this age?" Well, we got married in August and in December I was pregnant. Yes, the plan was in motion and it was looking good.
I had my daughter, Mari, the following August (2005) and the plan was to get pregnant by the next August-ish (I had to stick to my 2 yr/baby plan.). And I DID! It was awesome! It was like I could NOT have planned it better.
Well, to spare you details, there were "signs" and I started going to the doctor before the customary 8 week pregnancy check-up. They started investigating, sending me to the lab for blood draws, ultrasounds, etc. And it seemed like I was going in for more blood draws every other day, which were super-annoying because no one was really telling me anything, other than, "Oh your levels are down when they should be doubled..." blah blah blah. (Be sure to insert your best, know-it-all, doctor voice there.)
Anyway, it was about 6 weeks later and the doctor says, "Well, we're going to have to go in and do exploratory surgery. What are you doing this weekend?" Yes, he ACTUALLY said that. It's funny because I really don't think your weekend plans matter in a case like this. But I digress. So, plans for the weekend...surgery. He went in, the pregnancy was ectopic. If you don't know what that is, the fertilized egg was in my left Fallopian tube. (Those hurt too, by the way.) And if you let those go, your Fallopian tube WILL burst and, if not rushed to a hospital or ER, you WILL bleed out and die. So, my doctor found it, removed the tube, and, of course, removed the egg along with it.
I asked later what my chances were of getting pregnant, now that I only had one tube. He actually said that my chances of having ANOTHER ectopic pregnancy were now DOUBLED and that the "getting pregnant" part was probably just half now because only one ovary can now contribute an egg every other month.
It's definitely a shock to hear something like that, and it's certainly something I NEVER thought I'd hear. And, although it's difficult to describe how that felt, I can say all I really wanted to do was cry and I was really scared to try getting pregnant again. It would be like deliberately risking all chance of having more children.
...
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